Upon arriving at home last Friday afternoon, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. Geoff and I sat down to relax for a moment, but I could not quiet my mind. All the things I should be doing right now: laundry, dishes, dusting, playing with my son instead of turning on a show and supplying his favorite snack, watering my plants, checking work email, and the list goes on…
“I need to clone myself… three times,” I said to Geoff. He nodded, knowing the feeling, but I wasn’t kidding. I need one duplicate to be a good wife, housekeeper, cook and attempted gardener. One to devote more time to my son with more moments building with Legos, talking about monster trucks and doing educational crafts or games. One to work harder at the office, have days without distraction, get everything ordered, status updates, floorplans complete and installs perfectly scheduled. And the last one to be creative. Sketching, sewing, gathering inspiration, decorating, growing my blog and thinking towards developing my own design business.
But the truth is: I just can’t do it all.
In the world of “super-moms” that tell you how to “have it all” I am just one person… One.
Flashback to the beginning of the week:
I knew it would be a busy one. I had stayed very late the previous Friday to feel like I had a grip on my workload come Monday morning. And yet… it was an insane week. I trusted a vendor would come through for an install… and that didn’t. Could I have done anything more to change the outcome? No. Did I beat myself up over it? Yes. Did I get flack it? Yes. And I am not good with criticism. It’s not that I am confrontational or rudely defensive. It’s that I internalize failure and mistakes… deeply.
Flashback again to the previous Saturday:
I went with a sweet friend to the simulcast of Beth Moore. It was my first time hearing Beth speak and it was a blessing, to say the least. The central theme was being an Audacious believer; having the “guts” to live with intrepid boldness. The moment that affected me the most that day was when she spoke about making time to be with God. Time to pray, immerse in the Word and make Him a priority. Specifically, she said something to the effect of, “Don’t say you don’t have time. Because your family, your relationships, and our Lord are work losing 45 minutes of extra sleep!”
As a family, we have made a commitment recently to get to church and stop saying to ourselves, “Maybe next week.” That day I made a personal commitment to have a quiet time with the Lord each day No.Matter.What.
I’ve been reading from the 365 day devotional book, Jesus Calling, and doing 10-15 minutes of prayer. I have done this each day this week… except for Friday morning. Christopher woke up super early, my routine was altered and life got in the way.
Back to Friday afternoon: I am sitting with Geoff feeling Overwhelmed (with a capital O). And then I realize that I haven’t read my devotional. My heart was heavy about it… not with guilt, but I felt like God was telling me to read it.
As I did, the words leapt off of the page. It was as though each and every sentence and passage were written for me in that moment. The scriptures of that day are below:
“But seek first the kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33
“The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases him.” John 8:29
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23-24
Then came the real tears. Isn’t it astounding how our Savior can speak through the words on a page directly to our hearts?!
I wanted to share this with you because I know that ALL of us have these moments! Nonetheless, the Lord is there to comfort us saying, “Why did you want to carry this alone? Cast these burdens upon Me, accept the peace that only I can provide, and wait patiently for My discernment and direction.”
How blessed are we to be children of God?! Let’s live for him and be Audacious!